25 Lessons I've Learned From Surviving 80 Years On This Planet

Part One

Photo by Thomas Tucker on Unsplash

Making it to 80 is no big deal. (Easy for me to say.) It’s a matter of genes, lifestyle choices, and just pure dumb luck. For me, a super bad planner, it was the latter. But if you’re lucky enough to make it to 80, and if you’re mindful, you can learn a lot from being a senior by paying attention to the small things.

I turned 81 in November 2025.

Here’s what I have learned.

Making it to 80 is no accomplishment.

My life has unfolded like a flower in spring, turning toward the sun. Jesus said, “See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.” We are more beautiful than we know, especially if we learn to simply be ourselves. For me, becoming 80 has been about turning toward the sun and becoming my true self.

Age is just a number

So, don’t let numbers define you. We can’t scientifically measure when old age begins or when it will end. There is no scientific instrument for that. The most important measure of being 80 is how much time you spend in the here and now, with your life partner, your family, and your friends. No one on their deathbed ever said, “I wish I’d spent more time scrolling on Instagram.” Unplug, and plug into the ones you love.

One small thing

Old age is about one small thing after another. Don’t get caught up in the big things, or you’ll miss your life, which is always about the small things. The aroma of your favorite tea, steaming off the mug. Your lover’s smile.

Tender touch

I trained as a Shiatsu Massage therapist and spent many years providing chair massage in public settings. And I learned that technique is not the most important thing in giving a massage. Offering a sincere, caring touch can heal. Just a simple neck and shoulder rub, a gentle handshake, or a kind word can heal a relationship and open up new possibilities.

Super happy

Feeling happy is the reverse canary in the coal mine. Some experts have said that if you put on a smile, you’ll feel happier. But real happiness bubbles up from inside you. A genuinely happy person becomes a magnet, drawing people in. You see that in people like the Dalai Lama. If you quiet your mind and live more in the moment, you can find true happiness petting your dog or having a meal with people you love.

Turn off the TV

And turn off your smartphone. I recently read an article about seniors being addicted to their phones. In it, young people visiting their parents or grandparents struggled to connect because their parents are constantly on Facebook and TikTok. Who says seniors are tech-challenged? We’re addicted to that shit, just like our kids. Turn off your TV and your smartphone and stop trying to be like your grandchildren instead of the wise elders you are.

There will be pain

When I watch TV, it seems most commercials are aimed at seniors and focus on alleviating pain and other natural consequences of getting old. We live in a pain-adverse, drug addicted society. I have learned to first accept my pain. Just doing that can help. Tensing up and fighting the pain can make it worse. Pain is a signal that something is wrong. Try to accept the pain and then see your doctor.

Make your own mindfulness practice

Meditation may be the best-known mindfulness practice. Yoga, tai chi, or Qigong may be close seconds. A mindfulness practice doesn’t need to be an exotic Eastern discipline. But it needs to be (and this is not an option) — it needs to be something you love.

Think back to your youth and remember something you loved to do that you would consider taking up again. Is it gardening? Walking? Writing? Stamp collecting? Restoring vintage cars? Carpentry? Pottery? Painting watercolors? Tennis? — (you could switch to pickleball). What was something you loved when you were young that faded away while you were making other plans? Maybe it’s time to bring it back.

Choose something you love and do it with your full attention every day. I think that qualifies as a mindfulness practice. And if you do that, it will change your life for the better. At least a little.

Make home-cooked meals

Cooking meals has become a lost art. People order takeout or buy heat-and-eat meals, but those meals don’t offer the health and spiritual nourishment of meals cooked from scratch with your own two hands. And scratch meals don’t have to be fancy. This morning I made my signature “Dogfood Beans,” as my wife calls it, (because I use canned beans, I guess). I had it for breakfast.

I heated a half can of Trader Joe’s Low Fat Refried Beans and added olive oil, a generous sprinkling of curry powder, Japanese BBQ sauce, and catsup, with some bread-and-butter pickles on the side. I served it with leftover brown rice. The basic recipe is canned refried beans, and you add seasonings and condiments to your taste. If you don’t like my recipe, make one of your own.

One of my favorite simple meals is a tuna fish sandwich, served with a glass of lemonade. It’s the perfect taste combination for me. A man who cooks his own meals is in control of his life. — I said that.

Live on the sunny side of the street

Research by Yale University psychologist Becca Levy shows that people with positive attitudes toward aging live about 7.5 years longer than those with negative views. And this benefit often exceeds factors like exercise or not smoking. Professor Levy shows how cultural beliefs and personal outlook impact health and longevity.

Levy’s landmark study, published in The Journals of Gerontology, followed hundreds of individuals for over two decades, tracking their attitudes towards aging. Positive age beliefs were linked to better physical health, reduced cardiovascular events, improved memory, and greater resilience.

Living on the sunny side of the street can lead to a healthier, happier old age. And it’s backed by science. I’m not a big fan of the objective art of science because all of life is subjective. But if I break my arm, I’m first going to see an orthopedist, not an acupuncturist. But I will think positive thoughts about my recovery.

It comes like a thief in the night

Old age comes on long and slow, like a turtle in slow motion, so you hardly see it coming. First, the turtle is so far over the horizon line that you can’t see it. Then you start to hear rumors about it, notice your hands look old, and then a young person calls you Sir or Ma’am — and you suddenly realize you’re old.

How to be old

Eat a balanced diet, don’t drink too much (or not at all), hang loose, and calm the heck down! Don’t take things so seriously. Go with the flow, help your neighbors, floss twice a day, and you’ll be fine.

But you’ll still die; we all will die — so enjoy the moment and spread the love because we’re all in the same wonderful boat together.

All in the same boat

Zen master Shunryu Suzuki (Suzuki Roshi) said, “Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.”

Suzuki Roshi’s quote is a reminder of life’s ever-changing nature and impermanence. If we know this truth when we’re younger, we’ll fare much better when we get older. And if we only get hip to it after we’re already old, well — better late than never. We should go clear-eyed into that good night.

Old age ain’t for sissies

I was in Trader Joe’s staring at a shelf, trying to decide between the bread and butter pickle chips and the standard dills, when I heard a woman’s voice.

A young Trader Joe’s employee said, “Are you all right?” She didn’t say, “May I help you?” as one would expect. To her, I looked like I was in trouble. But I was just standing there, troubled about my pickle choice.

This is the way of old age.

If you’re not yet aware that you look old, others will let you know. You can’t hide from old age. Like SEAL Team 6, it will smoke you out and expose you for what you are. So it’s better not to try to hide behind Crepe Erase or any other anti-aging product.

Old age is coming for you, and it always wins in the end, so don’t fear it. Use Jiu-Jitsu on it. Embrace it as it comes, and use its energy to flow with it. Co-opt it and transform it from a shitshow into a lifestyle choice — old-age chic, maybe.

Why Getting Older Is So Scary

No, it’s not the weaker bodies, illness, ageism, or dementia. It’s the fear of death.

Mark Twain said, “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” Eckhart Tolle said, The more you live in the present moment, the more the fear of death disappears.

I agree with Twain and Tolle. If I am living fully — engaging with people in kindness and love — I will be living in the present with no regrets and will be prepared to die at any time. And in the present moment, the fear of death disappears.

I have not been in the present moment on Eckhart Tolle’s level, but I have been practicing mindfulness for a while, and I don’t feel a fear of death. But I fear what my children, my wife, my family, and friends will do without me when I’m gone.

That’s really ego-centered, almost narcissistic. If I really had no fear of death, I would let them go, and know that they will deal with my passing as best they can, and I will become a fast-fading memory. But it’s hard to accept how unimportant I am in the grand scheme of things. Maybe that’s the fear of death I still have.

The fast-fading memory part hurts.

I should kill my ego first, and then physical death will be no problem.

Old age is about letting go

Old age is about letting things go, traveling lighter and lighter until, finally, we are unburdened. We’ve let go of all our possessions, except for love, kindness, and compassion. And we can make our exit fully alive and aware of the most remarkable and mystical moment we will ever experience.

Maybe we’ll even let go of love, kindness, and compassion.

We won’t be able to post it on Facebook or appear on TV to discuss it. It will be our private moment of exploration when we learn what no one else knows, what no one else can take from us.

We will learn the most precious secret of them all, and we won’t be able to tell anyone.

Suffering is optional

A wise man said, Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. There are too many pains in old age to count, both physical and psychological. They happen to us all with no exceptions. But the suffering is something we add on top like a rotten maraschino cherry.

We can’t fight old age because, in the end, it always wins — always. But if we accept old age and allow ourselves to grow old and proud, despite all the pains, we can carry ourselves with dignity and become wise elders who guide those who come after us. This is a worthy vocation because those whippersnappers behind us need our wisdom.

Don’t blame your memory lapses on me!

Young people, not old enough for AARP membership, use the term “senior moment” all the time. It has become a meme for a momentary lapse of memory. I’m sure they think it’s fun.

Still, attributing a forgetful or disoriented episode to a senior moment perpetuates the stereotype of an older person out of touch with reality. And the great majority of older people are not out of touch.

Eighty-five percent of adults aged 85 and older do not have dementia. And 96 percent of US adults aged 65 and older do not have dementia. So don’t blame your memory lapses on me. It’s insulting, unkind, and it pisses me off.

Old age is a time of senior moments

The real senior moments happen when you’re old enough for AARP and have decided to accept the sore knees, dental problems, bad hearing, blurry eyesight, forgetfulness, and all the natural disabilities of old age.

Those senior moments will be the moments you live in until the day you die. And if you accept it and meet it with mindfulness and curiosity, it won’t be so bad. It might even become exciting and fulfilling. My goal is to enjoy my senior moments.

No grannies please

It bothers me when people refer to a 78-year-old grannie, or grandpa, or, God forbid, peepaw. (That’s a real thing. I heard it with my own ears.) I guess if it were said in love about me, I’d accept it. But words like grannie and grandpa reduce older people to stereotypes. My grandchildren call me grandpa, and I don’t complain, but I’d rather they call me Gary. That’s my name.

The way people talk about and to older people reminds me of how people talk to little kids in that high, melodious voice as if they couldn’t understand adult language. Maybe we need to address them like that so we can categorize them as youngsters and make clear our superiority over them. But I have found that “youngsters” respond well when talked to in a normal voice.

And so do oldsters.

Old people are, generally, not admired

If you’re having a big party, you don’t want to invite too many older people (Unless it’s a party for older people, or unless the older people are famous). Being old is not popular.

Sometimes I feel like I left the in-group for the out-group. Most young people do not grow up wanting to become a grandpa or grandma. Except in Japan, where they have a national holiday to celebrate older people called Keirō no Hi, which translates to Respect for the Aged Day, celebrated on the third Monday of September to honor older people for their wisdom, experience, and contributions to society.

We don’t have anything like that in the good old USA, sigh.

For young people

To thrive in old age, we need to have an awakening about age, or many awakenings. Old age is not just a number — it’s our last chance to wake up to the beauty and wisdom we were too busy to see when we were young.

Dream Big

If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.”
 — Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, former president of Liberia

I wrote in April 2025, “Sitting beside my desk are some Amazon boxes. In them is a new microphone and a mic boom I ordered. I’ll rig them so I can sit in my normal meditation seat and speak my guided meditations into the microphone. I’ll edit them and publish them on Substack.”

I still haven’t done the guided meditations. I’m too stressed by the firehose of life’s difficulties coming at me. It’s hard to do a soothing guided meditation when your mind’s a five-alarm fire. But I’m still dreaming big. I’m managing to write and keep a fairly even keel until the storm passes. I can’t take on something new right now. But I still dream big, even at 81.

I think of my old age as an adventure movie about an old man in denial of his age who begins to realize he’s on a hero’s journey, a quest, and a search for enlightenment in the most challenging time of his existence— and how he ends up having the time of his life! It’s my movie, so I figure I get to write the screenplay and play the leading role.

Dreams of my eighties

I thought I would spend my eighties writing, meditating, and enjoying my retirement. Enjoying smooth sailing on the SS Elderhood. That is not how it has turned out, and maybe all these difficult problems (and more) will just keep happening for the rest of my life, and perhaps they will.

That will be okay, because I am thankful to be alive. And maybe my role is to help my wife, my daughter, my son, and my friends when times are tough for them. And to help the people who read my writing. I have a role to play in all these people’s lives.

That’s enough.

The wisdom I’ll exit holding

Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people’s approval
and you will be their prisoner.

Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity.

— Tao Te Ching, Verse Nine

Gary
January 2026