I don’t like to make claims that cause people to say, “That sounds too good to be true — so maybe it is.”
So, I’ll make a modest proposal that will help you change your life by changing your mind. It’s a simple mental shift, but you’ll have to give up the deeply ingrained idea that we are separate individuals at the mercy of outside forces that are controlling us.
That is not true.
We are the only ones who can change ourselves, and we do it by changing our minds. You have done it many times before in your life. You decided on a career. You decided who to marry. You decided to stop smoking or to apologize to someone for something you said.
You can decide to be 20% happier in old age with a simple mind shift. I got the 20% idea from former ABC News anchor and meditation skeptic Dan Harris, who left his career to start a meditation app called 10% Happier. He wanted to appeal to other skeptics like himself.
So he didn’t make extravagant promises about how meditation can bring inner peace or unlimited joy. He said meditation can make you 10% happier, and that’s a significant promise that most people would sign up for — especially since meditation is free and is only for you.
Only you can decide to meditate. No one can force you, and no one can do it for you. Likewise, if you make a simple mind shift about old age, you can be happier. It worked for me. All you have to do is realize that you are in charge of how you think about old age.
Old age brings changes and surprises that we didn’t anticipate and don’t like, so we complain. It’s just like all the rest of life. If our entree is not piping hot, we ask the waiter to send it back and have it heated up. But we can’t do that with old age.
Old age is what it is, and it’s probably not going to get much better. If we have arthritis in our hands, we can’t send them back. But we can stop complaining about our arthritis, accept the reality that we have it, and then maybe we can find a way to make it better. However, complaining about it will only make it seem worse.
A wise person once said, Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
We have so much psychological and physical pain in old age that we could spend the last quarter of our lives in a non-stop bitch session. And some of us do that. But have you noticed that some older people never complain? They are always cheerful, friendly, and looking on the bright side.
There are two distinct types of people that can be defined by how they vacation.
One person goes on vacation and their Airbnb is sub-par, and their dinner on their first night is bad, and they complain to the waiter and he isn’t so sympathetic and they get mad about that and the whole vacation goes downhill from there and they send angry reviews to Airbnb and Trip Advisor and become the King of Suffering, and the entire vacation is ruined and they are “unhappy” and bitter about everything.
Another person goes on the same vacation and they laugh about it, have a friendly talk with customer service, and enjoy their accommodations and meals even if they are not perfect.” What the hell, this will all make a great story,” they say.
Same vacations but different mental responses. The first vacationer had an ideal trip in mind, and as soon as the ideal wasn’t met, they began to complain. They didn’t accept what was happening. What was happening was wrong and bad, and they were mad. They became the King of Suffering.
The second vacationer accepted the situation for what it was, rather than comparing it to some ideal vacation in their mind, and just enjoyed the trip rather than trying to control it.
For me, the way to have a happier old age has not so much to do with diet, exercise, sleep, not drinking, regular checkups, or managing stress. All those things are important — but it’s a suggestion that’s always buried near the end of the listicles on how to stay healthy in old age that holds the secret.
Cultivate a positive attitude.
And the best way to cultivate a positive attitude is to accept old age, rather than complain about it. I like the idea of thinking of old age as a time of grieving. It sneaks up on us over the years until, at some point, we realize we are old. And we are not happy about this turn of events.
We grieve for our lost youth.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross describes her five stages of grief as: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And her definition of acceptance is illuminating.
Acceptance: Not a sign of being ‘okay’ or ‘over’ the loss, but rather a realization of the new reality and a step toward learning to live with the loss.
Kübler-Ross’ acceptance was designed to help people deal with the death of a loved one. A horrible time for most of us. It shakes us and slams us up against the wall so hard we can hardly think of anything else. It takes a while to grieve. A very long time for some of us. And that’s okay.
In old age, we may be grieving the loss of our youth and vitality. I remember when, at 68, I was in denial about being old. My therapist asked me if I wanted to join a weekly seniors group she led, and I got angry inside. I’m not that old! I screamed mentally. But I was, and I finally joined the group, marking the beginning of my acceptance of old age.
Acceptance is a mental change. You don’t need to go to the gym, become a vegan, meditate, make elaborate plans, do puzzles, or take Prevagen for your brain. When you accept old age, no one needs to know.
In fact, it’s better if you don’t say anything about it. But people will know something has changed in you. You’ll slowly go from cynicism and pessimism to joie de vivre.
When you have finally accepted old age, you realize there is nothing inherently bad or good about it. It is what it is, and you just need to deal with it. It’s like a vacation that can be either great or terrible depending on your attitude toward it.
All of life is a mental game, and we create our own happiness or sadness every day, whether we realize it or not. Wouldn’t it be great to be 20% happier in old age? I’ll take it.
We can do it by accepting old age, not as a loss, but rather a realization of a new reality and a step toward learning to live with the loss.
Old age can be a second wind and a new beginning — even a gateway to happiness — maybe 20% happier.
Gary
September 2025
And I especially liked the line "It is what it is." I've learned that so well by living in Mexico for the last 30 years. Life is what we make of it. Let's make it wonderful. Blue
Great post and happy to discover a kindred spirit. My friend Zelda (who lived to 104 3/4 — and taught me to always add the quarters past 100!) always said, “Look for the good.” Zelda is one of “my old ladies,” nine friends in their 90s and 100 who lit my way to 81!