The problem with beliefs is that they can become self-fulfilling prophesies. I like what the lawyer Gerry Spence said: "I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than closed by belief." To have any kind of belief is limiting. It does not allow us to experience what IS, to be present. All pain is resistance to what is.
Yes, I agree, Patricia. Beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophesies. That the whole point of my essay. That doesn't exclude wonder either. Thanks for reading, Patricia. Was Gerry Spence talking about belief in God or religion?
You’re absolutely right Gary. Your essay did have to do with self-fulfilling prophesies. Being the Queen of Denial, I just didn’t want to exclude reality from my positive thinking. My interpretation of Gerry Spence’s quote (and there are many, he’s quite the remarkable old guy . . . speaking of old) is that it has to do with organized religion. Always enjoy your wonderful writing.
Even the vocabulary that we use to describe ourselves as we age has taken on pejorative connotations. I am an elderly woman in my late 70s. But when I refer to myself as "elderly" quite often people, even people my age, will say, "Oh, you are not elderly. Age is just a number!" My response is to gently say that there is nothing wrong with being elderly and nothing wrong with using the accurate word to describe myself. It is as though I had called myself a bitch or a hag! I have had a number of discussions about this with my group of friends and I find that most of them have internalized words referring to advanced age as being negative. I am from the USA but live in Buenos Aires and have an extraordinary group of mostly "elderly" friends from all over the world, writers, artists, tango dancers, gym rats ( like my husband and myself), one couple who rode across the Andes on horseback to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary! In other words, just real people continuing to live their lives until they die. But it is so hard to get the negative stereotypes out of our minds. So I celebrate being old. As they say, it is better than the alternative!
The stereotypes are difficult to eradicate because they are deeply embedded in our culture. But I think you have done it, Susan. Thanks for reading. I appreciate it.
Maybe ED is the new hot. I agree that you, John, that "you don't look 75" reveals the hidden stereotype. How we will look at 75 is an individual thing Everyone is different--not a stereotype.
You mention laying the groundwork in our middle years, and I realise the difficulties I faced then were part of this groundwork and have contributed to my life aged 75 being on an even keel, emotionally if not entirely physically. Also, it is hard to understate the centrality that a regular meditation practice takes on as i face the challenges of ageing. I say challenges advisedly, as without them I'd never amount to much more than a super-indulgent couch potato. Bring them on I say, although some are more challenging than others, like getting a cancer diagnosis 18 months ago. I now get what people mean when they describe fighting cancer: I've invested in my own health care in small and big ways and every day make lifestyle choices my 20 - 30 yr old self couldn't even put into words let alone effect.
I literally cannot imagine how I would feel getting a cancer diagnosis. I'm sure it's tough. This morning I'm giving my 93 year old neighbor a ride to the veteran's hospital for a biopsy. I'm afraid his cancer is metastasizing. I'm going to empathize with him and support him fully today. I'm going into the appointment with him at his request. Thanks for reading, John. Keep fighting.
Hi Gary. I am reading Dr. Levy’s book now and I second your advice. This is a must-read gem for everyone. Thank you for this article and your thoughts!
Thanks for reading, Jane. Dr. Levy is just the coolest person. She gets us for sure. What a brave move to skip out to Lisbon. I hope you're enjoying life there.
I was fascinated with your comment on the fact that we are, and always have been, changing all of the time. During my early 40s I became convinced that we are pretty much remade by the experience of living within any ten year segment of life. Our opinions, dreams, goals, interests, work, purpose, even the people we meet and come to know are in constant development. The life I lived even five years ago is vastly different than the life I live today. As humans, we are never truly “finished”, unless we chose to stop growing.
Denise, thanks for this quote: "As humans, we are never truly “finished”, unless we chose to stop growing." That's so insightful. I'm going to quote you if you don't mind when the right time comes along. Thanks for reading.
Gary, I saw in your bio that you're 80—well, I'm 81. I win!
😄
Like you, I've lived several lives, several versions of myself. For the past 30 years, I've been living in early retirement in the village of Ajijic, Mexico. Much like Japan, Mexico is a culture that honors and respects its elders and those who are infirm. While the medical care may not match other countries' resources, what it lacks there, it makes up for in family. Extended families matter more here than money, titles, or possessions—something many cultures could learn from.
I'm grateful to be here, and thrilled to have stumbled across Substack two months ago. For me, it’s all about community and connection.
Thank you for sharing your story—from a man’s point of view, yes, but more importantly, from the perspective of an eighty-something human. That’s the common thread I’m drawn to.
I'm also glad we crossed paths, Karen. I always like being with Mexican people. I always feel good around them and that like to party, too. Substack is also an interesting community. Thanks for running across me!
Thank you for your insightful article. I have a simple philosophy LAB. Learn, Act, Believe. Zen plays a big part in it. All the best fellow journeymen.
George Harrison (25 February 1943 – 29 November 2001) was an English musician, singer and songwriter who achieved international fame as the lead guitarist of the Beatles. Sometimes called "the quiet Beatle", Harrison embraced Indian culture and helped broaden the scope of popular music through his incorporation of Indian instrumentation and Hindu-aligned spirituality in the Beatles' work.
Hi TMF, thanks for turning me on to that George Harrison video. I hadn't seen it. He says what I'm trying to say but much better. He knew what I try to teach. That we don't need to fear old age because our body is just dying, but our soul never dies. We are so much more than our bodies. Thanks so much for reading, TMF.
Hi Don, I'm glad you enjoyed my essay. It's a pleasure to find a jazz musician among my readers. I have been a Jazz fan since high school. Started with Miles Davis, Montgomery Brother, and KNOB FM on Signal Hill, CA. I remember walking by an FM console at a friends house at 13 and hearing Ramsey Lewis' album, "Down To Earth. That was the first modern jazz music I ever heard and I was hooked.
After I discovered Zen I always though that jazz improvisation was one of the purest examples of Zen spontaneity, What do you think. I often listen to jazz while I'm writing. It puts me in a creative mood. Thanks for reading, Don.
Hi Gary, a pleasure to meet you. When is done in the moment, no thinking of material, just feeling it can so zen-like. The greats most likely weren't even aware that they were doing it - Charlie Parker, Lester Young, Billie holiday, Lennie Tristano, Sal Mosca, Warne Marsh, Bud Powell, Oscar Pettiford
The problem with beliefs is that they can become self-fulfilling prophesies. I like what the lawyer Gerry Spence said: "I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than closed by belief." To have any kind of belief is limiting. It does not allow us to experience what IS, to be present. All pain is resistance to what is.
Yes, I agree, Patricia. Beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophesies. That the whole point of my essay. That doesn't exclude wonder either. Thanks for reading, Patricia. Was Gerry Spence talking about belief in God or religion?
You’re absolutely right Gary. Your essay did have to do with self-fulfilling prophesies. Being the Queen of Denial, I just didn’t want to exclude reality from my positive thinking. My interpretation of Gerry Spence’s quote (and there are many, he’s quite the remarkable old guy . . . speaking of old) is that it has to do with organized religion. Always enjoy your wonderful writing.
I love this! We definitely need to change the script about aging. Thank you for writing this. You have given me a new perspective. 🤩
Even the vocabulary that we use to describe ourselves as we age has taken on pejorative connotations. I am an elderly woman in my late 70s. But when I refer to myself as "elderly" quite often people, even people my age, will say, "Oh, you are not elderly. Age is just a number!" My response is to gently say that there is nothing wrong with being elderly and nothing wrong with using the accurate word to describe myself. It is as though I had called myself a bitch or a hag! I have had a number of discussions about this with my group of friends and I find that most of them have internalized words referring to advanced age as being negative. I am from the USA but live in Buenos Aires and have an extraordinary group of mostly "elderly" friends from all over the world, writers, artists, tango dancers, gym rats ( like my husband and myself), one couple who rode across the Andes on horseback to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary! In other words, just real people continuing to live their lives until they die. But it is so hard to get the negative stereotypes out of our minds. So I celebrate being old. As they say, it is better than the alternative!
The stereotypes are difficult to eradicate because they are deeply embedded in our culture. But I think you have done it, Susan. Thanks for reading. I appreciate it.
Youth says to me "you don't look 75!" I reply to Youth "this is what 75 looks like!"
Youth laughs uncomfortably and backs off.
I hasten to add, unnecessarily, this is not a Dating App interaction.
My come hither line is "you don't know the real meaning of Sex until you try it with an erectile dysfunction guy!" Never fails.
Maybe ED is the new hot. I agree that you, John, that "you don't look 75" reveals the hidden stereotype. How we will look at 75 is an individual thing Everyone is different--not a stereotype.
You mention laying the groundwork in our middle years, and I realise the difficulties I faced then were part of this groundwork and have contributed to my life aged 75 being on an even keel, emotionally if not entirely physically. Also, it is hard to understate the centrality that a regular meditation practice takes on as i face the challenges of ageing. I say challenges advisedly, as without them I'd never amount to much more than a super-indulgent couch potato. Bring them on I say, although some are more challenging than others, like getting a cancer diagnosis 18 months ago. I now get what people mean when they describe fighting cancer: I've invested in my own health care in small and big ways and every day make lifestyle choices my 20 - 30 yr old self couldn't even put into words let alone effect.
I literally cannot imagine how I would feel getting a cancer diagnosis. I'm sure it's tough. This morning I'm giving my 93 year old neighbor a ride to the veteran's hospital for a biopsy. I'm afraid his cancer is metastasizing. I'm going to empathize with him and support him fully today. I'm going into the appointment with him at his request. Thanks for reading, John. Keep fighting.
Hi Gary. I am reading Dr. Levy’s book now and I second your advice. This is a must-read gem for everyone. Thank you for this article and your thoughts!
Thanks for reading, Jane. Dr. Levy is just the coolest person. She gets us for sure. What a brave move to skip out to Lisbon. I hope you're enjoying life there.
I was fascinated with your comment on the fact that we are, and always have been, changing all of the time. During my early 40s I became convinced that we are pretty much remade by the experience of living within any ten year segment of life. Our opinions, dreams, goals, interests, work, purpose, even the people we meet and come to know are in constant development. The life I lived even five years ago is vastly different than the life I live today. As humans, we are never truly “finished”, unless we chose to stop growing.
Denise, thanks for this quote: "As humans, we are never truly “finished”, unless we chose to stop growing." That's so insightful. I'm going to quote you if you don't mind when the right time comes along. Thanks for reading.
I would be honored Gary.
Gary, I saw in your bio that you're 80—well, I'm 81. I win!
😄
Like you, I've lived several lives, several versions of myself. For the past 30 years, I've been living in early retirement in the village of Ajijic, Mexico. Much like Japan, Mexico is a culture that honors and respects its elders and those who are infirm. While the medical care may not match other countries' resources, what it lacks there, it makes up for in family. Extended families matter more here than money, titles, or possessions—something many cultures could learn from.
I'm grateful to be here, and thrilled to have stumbled across Substack two months ago. For me, it’s all about community and connection.
Thank you for sharing your story—from a man’s point of view, yes, but more importantly, from the perspective of an eighty-something human. That’s the common thread I’m drawn to.
Glad we’ve crossed paths.
Blue
I'm also glad we crossed paths, Karen. I always like being with Mexican people. I always feel good around them and that like to party, too. Substack is also an interesting community. Thanks for running across me!
Thank you for your insightful article. I have a simple philosophy LAB. Learn, Act, Believe. Zen plays a big part in it. All the best fellow journeymen.
I like the idea of LAB, Muralee. Does the believe part mean that once you act, don't second-guess yourself? Thanks for reading, Muralee!
Hi Gary, as we act, keep learning, the believe morphs.
Thank you for the post. My personal view is that I am always training for my next birthday...
Then don't forget to do some carb loading. Aging is a marathon, not a sprint. Thanks for reading JW!
Thank you Gary ! I like the meditative bits. ' It's all in the mind '' as the saying goes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WLUcxlXgDA George Harrison (one of the Beatles)
George Harrison (25 February 1943 – 29 November 2001) was an English musician, singer and songwriter who achieved international fame as the lead guitarist of the Beatles. Sometimes called "the quiet Beatle", Harrison embraced Indian culture and helped broaden the scope of popular music through his incorporation of Indian instrumentation and Hindu-aligned spirituality in the Beatles' work.
Hi TMF, thanks for turning me on to that George Harrison video. I hadn't seen it. He says what I'm trying to say but much better. He knew what I try to teach. That we don't need to fear old age because our body is just dying, but our soul never dies. We are so much more than our bodies. Thanks so much for reading, TMF.
Thank you! This was a wonderful and eye-opening read. I wholeheartedly agree!
Hi Don, I'm glad you enjoyed my essay. It's a pleasure to find a jazz musician among my readers. I have been a Jazz fan since high school. Started with Miles Davis, Montgomery Brother, and KNOB FM on Signal Hill, CA. I remember walking by an FM console at a friends house at 13 and hearing Ramsey Lewis' album, "Down To Earth. That was the first modern jazz music I ever heard and I was hooked.
After I discovered Zen I always though that jazz improvisation was one of the purest examples of Zen spontaneity, What do you think. I often listen to jazz while I'm writing. It puts me in a creative mood. Thanks for reading, Don.
Hi Gary, a pleasure to meet you. When is done in the moment, no thinking of material, just feeling it can so zen-like. The greats most likely weren't even aware that they were doing it - Charlie Parker, Lester Young, Billie holiday, Lennie Tristano, Sal Mosca, Warne Marsh, Bud Powell, Oscar Pettiford
- these are some of my influences ..
Two tracks from my last two albums ...
https://www.newartistsrecords.com/1075-the-dance
https://www.newartistsrecords.com/1074-blues-for-peter
Here's my bio
https://www.newartistsrecords.com/biomessina
Again thanks for article!
I agree.