The Truth About Being 80 That Few People Know

It comes like a thief in the night.

If a 30-year-old suddenly started feeling like I do today, he’d wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.

But old age comes on long and slow, like a turtle in slow motion, so you hardly see it coming. First, the turtle is so far over the horizon line that you can’t see it. Then you start to hear rumors about it, notice your hands look old, and then a young person calls you Sir or Ma’am — and you suddenly realize you’re old.

It will happen to you — you just may not know it yet. Because I’m one of the few octogenarians, I can give all you whippersnappers the details of what you have in store.

Of course, we all age differently, so your experience may vary. But this will give you a preview of what you’ve got to look forward to. My truths may seem hopeful, negative, or scary, depending on your age or attitude. My truths are not scientific; they’re simply my experience at 80.

I’m in pretty good shape for 80. Here are some things I don’t have: a cane, walker, high blood pressure, dementia, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, arthritis, bad hearing, cataracts, high cholesterol, erectile dysfunction, or any artificial hips or knees.

I’m blessed.

But I feel quite old physically. I tire more quickly than I used to, my range of motion keeps narrowing, and I look more and more like the quintessential old man every day. But the strange thing is that inside—I feel like a stud.

This inside-outside contradiction is the most disturbing aspect of being 80 years old. I feel intellectually sharp, emotionally intelligent, creative, mindful, and kind, but most people see me as an “elderly” gentleman.

It’s finally come to that. Maybe it wouldn’t be that way if I were famous, like, say, I don’t know, a president?

I imagine what Joe Biden must have felt like. An old guy at the top of his game, a world leader, a mover, and a shaker. Yet half the country (or more) thought of him as over the hill and unable to govern because he moved slowly and jumbled up his words when he spoke — because he was 82 and looked “elderly.”

Biden was a great president, but left office with a 27 percent approval rating. He will eventually be known as one of our greatest leaders, but he will be long gone before that happens.

That’s really sad. I feel the same—aged by my culture. Put out to pasture before my time. Ignored because of the date on my driver’s license —and the wrinkles on my face.

These are my truths about my aging, so you might have an easier time when you turn 80. For instance, you may watch your diet, exercise daily, eat only organic foods, practice intermittent fasting, be a vegan, take your multivitamins, and avoid smoking and drinking alcohol.

If that’s you, your 80s may be a breeze — or maybe not.

I drank alcohol all my adult life, smoked for 20 years, and never thought much about taking care of my health — and I’m 80 and enjoying a disease-free life. So far, touch wood.

So what does that mean? Absolutely nothing. There’s always a story in the news about the proverbial great grandma who smoked Lucky Strikes, drank whisky, ate a meat and potatoes diet all her life, and lived to 105.

I don’t recommend that lifestyle— it’s really bad for the colon (among other things), and I’m sure she’s the exception to the rule. But drinkers and smokers love her story. “See! It’s all BS,” they say as they pull the tab on an IPA and spark another Marlboro.

Here’s my advice.

Eat a balanced diet, don’t drink too much (or not at all), hang loose, and calm the heck down! Don’t take things so seriously. Go with the flow, help your neighbors, floss twice a day, and you’ll be fine.

But you’ll still die; we all will die — so enjoy the moment and spread the love because we’re all in the same wonderful boat together.

Old Age Ain’t For Sissies

Yesterday, I was in Trader Joe’s staring at a shelf, trying to decide between the bread and butter pickle chips and the standard dills, when I heard a woman’s voice.

A young Trader Joe’s employee said, “Are you all right?” She didn’t say, “May I help you?” as one would expect. To her, I looked like I was in trouble. But I was just standing there, troubled about my pickle choice.

This is the way of old age.

If you’re not yet aware that you look old, others will let you know. You can’t hide from old age. Like SEAL Team 6, it will smoke you out and expose you for what you are. So, it’s better not to try to hide behind Crepe Erase or other anti-aging products.

Old age is coming for you, and it always wins in the end, so don’t fear it. Use Jiu-Jitsu on it. Embrace it as it comes, and use its energy to flow with it. Co-opt it and transform it from a scary monster to a lifestyle choice — old-age chic, maybe.

Accept your age.

I have accepted my age, maybe 92 percent accepted, I’d guess. I’ve decided to embrace old age — become the best geezer I can be. Write about it, befriend older people, and lend them a hand because I know they need it. I need it, and everyone everywhere will need it sooner or later.

Enjoy The Moment