It’s true, Laura. There is a part of us —the real person inside —that never ages. That’s where that strange feeling comes from. I feel that our goal in old age should be to connect with that part of ourselves, no matter what is happening to our aging bodies. Every great spiritual tradition teaches some version of this. It is probably the primary theme in my writing because it’s so important for older people to be aware of. Thanks for reading.
I’m 68 and I definitely don’t feel like a teenager anymore. I think there are aspects of me that remain unchanged, but I’ve definitely evolved a lot in my life and have changed in some deep and significant ways. I’m also still “young old,” able to hike, travel, and do so many things I’ve loved all my life. I haven’t really hit the wall in terms of physical limitations yet, though I’m a cancer survivor. I do look at my skin and think, “who is that?” I also am not a woman who relied on my looks to get by in life, so I think the “fading of beauty” wasn’t a big issue for me—it was devastating for my very glamorous mother, who as I recall, felt her life was over at 50.
I’ll be 80 next month. When my father turned 80 he said, “just wait. You won’t feel old but everything starts to go downhill.” I guess I will have to wait and see, meanwhile hoping the pain in my hip will go away.
Beth, I don't see 80 as "Everything starts to go downhill," it's just different. After all, we are going to die. Is getting closer to death downhill? I always take a positive view, giving thanks I'm still alive and have family and friends who love me. But a pain in the hip is real--I hope it goes away soon, Beth. Thanks for reading.
My hip surgeon told me it's not good to wait too long to have your hip worked on if it is needed. Collegen supplements may help if you just have minor hip issues. They are cheap and there's no downside to taking them.
I will be 80 tomorrow. I feel fine, although I’m having a lot of back pain. Seeing dr on Tuesday. Nonetheless, I will be celebrating our joint birthday at a Dylan tribute concert tomorrow. You gotta just keep going!
Thanks. I had my ankle replaced last October. Very long recovery. Fortunately, my hip is twingy but not bad. I haven’t yet seen my hip doctor but I will ask about collagen.
Decades ago, I did one of those genetic tests and was told that I'd most likely be dealing with osteoarthritis and macular degeneration in old age. I scoffed. Moi? I biked, hiked, kayaked, ate lots of fruits and veggies and salmon, didn't smoke, laughed a lot. Boom. In my late 60s, I needed a hip replacement. Six months later, I was diagnosed with macular degeneration. There's a lot about being older that I love, but the genetic wheel-of-fortune is so in-your-face and creepy. You sound like you won the genetic lottery!
Hi Elisabeth—there is no doubt that I won the genetic lottery. I’ve been winging it all my life as far as health goes. But when I started meditating 30 minutes a day, four years ago, my life took a turn for the better. I would not be writing on Medium and Substack if I hadn’t started meditating. I never imagined I could do something like this, premeditation.
Elizabeth, I am not equipped to give anyone health advice. But I can confidently say that simply quieting your mind with meditation, yoga, walking, or writing regularly will make things better. We often get caught up in our thoughts and worries.
I’m sorry to hear about your macular degeneration. I feel for you, Elizabeth. Old age is a strict teacher, but we all just do the best we can.
Thank you, Gary. I'm actually doing pretty well, actually. I do a blend of tai chi and pilates for the arthritis and, on days when I'm too stiff, I do arm and leg stretches while rocking in my Grandmother's old chair. That rocking motion is so calming and the movement keeps me surprisingly flexible. Thankfully, I live adjacent to a national park and am surrounded by nature. I spend as much time as I can outdoors, and I find that so healing. Releasing our worries is vital!
Wow, 90, I'm happy for you, Sue. I wish I could heal this hurting world, but it's beyond my pay grade. But I can take a run at healing myself. That's what I'm trying to do anyway.
Looking back on life from this vantage point there's something bizarre about all the finding and fixing when you get booted out of here lickety split. Switching from finding to giving would be my advice for humanity.
Gary, I agree, old age isn’t for the weak of heart. My seventies have hit me like a ton of bricks. I loved this reminder in your piece: “But you’ll still die; we all will die — so enjoy the moment and spread the love because we’re all in the same wonderful boat together.”
Beautifully written. I’ve read the book on ageism and I am almost 70 and it’s so sad on how we treat not only each other at this age, but how we are treated by the medical community sometimes and by society itself. Ableism also needs to be addressed as in your experience at the store people automatically assume if we’re elders that we are feeble. We are at an age where in some indigenous cultures we are treated with the upmost respect. The elders are looked upon as having wisdom courage to have lived such a long life, but they can also act as mentors to the younger. We don’t seem to have that in our civilization any longer with community being fractured along with rampant discrimination against elders.
Sadly, Keith, what you say is true. It's easy for me to get angry about ageism and wish I were in a culture that treated older people better. But I'm here, and anger doesn't hurt anyone but ourselves. My goal is to gain as much old age wisdom as I can and pass it along to other seniors. So many people are hurting and fearful, I feel I should do something. So I write and do what I can. Thanks for reading Keith.
About the only other thing we can do besides care for ourselves and one another is to try to enlighten others who are willing to listen in regards to the effects they have when they employ age discrimination and ableism
I am 70, Keith, a retired literature professor who keeps in touch with quite a few former students I taught over a 30-year-period, so they range in age. I worshipped my grandmother and spoke of her a lot in class when something she experienced or told me was relevant to the reading. Not long after I retired, I developed a serious health concern and experienced godawful medical gaslighting from three female PCPs in their late 30s to early 40s. So I told my former students about it. They have always been honest with me, so they said variations of the same thing. "Boomers haven't been wise elders. A lot of younger people simply don't respect people your age. Not because you're old but because you're Boomers. You have no wisdom to teach. Not YOU, you havent been self-obsessed and totally Boomerish," they'd add. Uh-huh.
But I thought about it. My grandmother's generation was commendable. Young people may not see us as that commendable. And if so, that's on us. We've left them one hell of a mess.
Maybe the problem is the younger generations don’t listen anymore. I didn’t listen to my father as much as I should have. In retrospect, he was right most of the time. Now, when I try to pass on my wisdom to my children, they usually ignore it and end up paying the price. There are those who never learn from their own mistakes, those that learn from their mistakes and then there are the smart people who learn from the mistakes of others
Lotta truth in that while my generation was busy partying and trying to climb the corporate ladder our government was being hijacked. The environment was being destroyed and what did we do? run to Walmart for another big screen TV really sad really wasteful.
I am 75 and recently had a year of more noticeable decline. Much whiter hair. More noticeable wrinkles everywhere. Slightly worse vision and hearing. Slightly creakier joints. Less stamina. I have neglected to turn off burners on “low” a couple of times.
There were reasons for this, maybe. I lost a daughter to cancer. My other two children had some crises. Friends are struggling. But I know, even aside from these reasons, aging is inevitable.
Like you, I am in relatively good shape. My primary care doctor reminds me I’m in the upper 10% percent of good health for my cohort. Nevertheless, I felt a little panicky and unable to keep up with it all.
And then I thought, “What does ‘keeping up’ mean, and why am I trying to do it?” I got tired of resisting, and it’s a relief. Yes, I’m old, but I still have such a good life . . . for now.
I can relate, Janet. We feel old age much more intensely after the age of 70. I have a daughter who is going through a hard time, and it pains me. I worry about her a lot. I’m trying to find a balance between my concern for her and taking care of myself. There's a science fact I love, and I’m not a big science guy.
People who have a positive view of old age live, on average, 7.5 years longer than those with a negative view. Professor Becca Levy has proved that in her research. I highly recommend her book, “Breaking The Age Code.” I wish you positive thoughts!
IMHO, the best way to approach aging is to keep on moving. Don’t let your mind become old , keep learning, traveling, making friends. Life is an adventure. When you no longer feel that way , you have become old
It used to be a really daunting milestone but as I approach, it’s beginning to look like just another number.
I’ve been thinking about where I would like to be when it happens - revisiting somewhere that I loved, New York, Paris, Luxor, Mycenae, Caribbean …. Of course, I have to survive that long!
Many of my friends and relatives have treated the recommendation of "eat healthy and exercise" as a challenge that they will resist. The older ones are not aging well.
At 86 I can truthfully say: “Ah! To be 80 again!” Even though at 80 your experience is having old age creep up on you, in a few years I predict that it will come in lurches and fits and starts! One day you have your usual sparkle, the next you wonder if your will is up-to-date. You wonder whether to relax and surrender or resist and fight the inevitable breakdown of our bodies which, like old cars, start to need new parts and more frequent oil changes. All I can say is that I never expected to live this long, but I’m glad I have. And since it’s usually goals that motivate me to keep on going, my goal right now is to live long enough to see Trump out of office, and sanity, or a version thereof, return to my country.
So true, Cathryn. I still feel like 40 inside. Younger people just see aging bodies and make a judgement about that. I feel a responsibility to help young people understand. Thank you for reading and responding, Cathryn.
This is a wonderful piece, thank you for sharing it! I love your imagery as well as your voice, it is friendly and supportive and accepting. My experience at 56 is shaping up similarly, so I very much appreciate you sharing your perspective. The inside no longer matches the outside, and the understanding that the cognitive dissonance will continue, if not get worse, helps me know I am not alone and gives me more compassion for younger people, whose biggest limitation may only be that they don’t yet understand.
Thanks, Heather for your kind words and your wisdom. You seem to understand that it’s all about the mind. Our inner world is the last great frontier—not outer space. Thanks for reading, Heather.
This was sweet to read. Appreciate the observation of the internal age not matching the external. I’m starting to feel a bit of that now at 45 and I’ve heard that from so many people. One thing I’ve noticed about older people is that they are generally so much kinder, more accepting, more friendly, more open than younger folks. It’s like the closer we get to our mortality, the more our ego gets stripped away. That’s my theory anyway. I’d love to know your take on that. Love this and looking forward to more dispatches. ✨🙏
“This inside-outside contradiction is the most disturbing aspect of being 80 years old” Couldn’t agree more with this. Outside I’ve definitely reached old lady - inside still bursting with ideas and enthusiasms. I realized this year that I’ll be an old lady for the rest of my life and there’s nothing I can do about it other than keep on being myself. Thanks for an excellent essay on a topic close to my heart.
I will soon be 68 and feel like I’m 28. I look in the mirror and regret all of the hours, weeks, months…no, years…in the sun. I do love the sun and laughter, and my face tells the story through her lines. But, geez, I never expected THIS many lines! My hair has been graying since I was 35. For the longest time I colored it, until 8 years ago when gray hair had become chic with the 20-somethings. I figured I’d join them and did so with grace. I’m grayer now but still see the beauty of my grandmother’s hair when I look in the mirror. I am grateful for that. But the greatest challenge is in the reactions of the younger humans when they see me. I am training to be a personal trainer, am a health and life coach and don’t think I’ll ever grow up. BUT, on first sight, they think I’m way over the hill! At least until they hike or dance with me. My doctor is always surprised at my blood tests and lack of dis-ease, but never fails to remind me that my body WILL wear out one day, and I need to remember that! Thank you for this article. Those of us who are blessed with better health do well to encourage others to support theirs. Yet, I believe we have more than physical stamina to share with them. We old folks are the wisdom keepers, after all.
There are quite a few of us octogenarians ( not a word I use much ) here on Substack. Like you, I am pretty well and you can see me stand on my head (two minute video) on my site. I love being old and wouldn’t choose anything different!
Really enjoyed this. It seems that it’s the behaviour of other people making assumptions about you based on how you look at 80? Not being the age you are. You seem pretty chill to me!
Loved the cheery ending ! We are all going to die - let’s look after each other while we’re here!!
I remember my father at 80, a year or so before he died of heart failure, staring at a mirror saying, “But I still feel 13 on the inside.”
It’s true, Laura. There is a part of us —the real person inside —that never ages. That’s where that strange feeling comes from. I feel that our goal in old age should be to connect with that part of ourselves, no matter what is happening to our aging bodies. Every great spiritual tradition teaches some version of this. It is probably the primary theme in my writing because it’s so important for older people to be aware of. Thanks for reading.
I’m 68 and I definitely don’t feel like a teenager anymore. I think there are aspects of me that remain unchanged, but I’ve definitely evolved a lot in my life and have changed in some deep and significant ways. I’m also still “young old,” able to hike, travel, and do so many things I’ve loved all my life. I haven’t really hit the wall in terms of physical limitations yet, though I’m a cancer survivor. I do look at my skin and think, “who is that?” I also am not a woman who relied on my looks to get by in life, so I think the “fading of beauty” wasn’t a big issue for me—it was devastating for my very glamorous mother, who as I recall, felt her life was over at 50.
I’ll be 80 next month. When my father turned 80 he said, “just wait. You won’t feel old but everything starts to go downhill.” I guess I will have to wait and see, meanwhile hoping the pain in my hip will go away.
Beth, I don't see 80 as "Everything starts to go downhill," it's just different. After all, we are going to die. Is getting closer to death downhill? I always take a positive view, giving thanks I'm still alive and have family and friends who love me. But a pain in the hip is real--I hope it goes away soon, Beth. Thanks for reading.
My hip surgeon told me it's not good to wait too long to have your hip worked on if it is needed. Collegen supplements may help if you just have minor hip issues. They are cheap and there's no downside to taking them.
I will be 80 tomorrow. I feel fine, although I’m having a lot of back pain. Seeing dr on Tuesday. Nonetheless, I will be celebrating our joint birthday at a Dylan tribute concert tomorrow. You gotta just keep going!
Sadly, too much pain to go out to a concert. Hoping Dr Todd can help. I will know on Tuesday.
Thanks. I had my ankle replaced last October. Very long recovery. Fortunately, my hip is twingy but not bad. I haven’t yet seen my hip doctor but I will ask about collagen.
Decades ago, I did one of those genetic tests and was told that I'd most likely be dealing with osteoarthritis and macular degeneration in old age. I scoffed. Moi? I biked, hiked, kayaked, ate lots of fruits and veggies and salmon, didn't smoke, laughed a lot. Boom. In my late 60s, I needed a hip replacement. Six months later, I was diagnosed with macular degeneration. There's a lot about being older that I love, but the genetic wheel-of-fortune is so in-your-face and creepy. You sound like you won the genetic lottery!
Hi Elisabeth—there is no doubt that I won the genetic lottery. I’ve been winging it all my life as far as health goes. But when I started meditating 30 minutes a day, four years ago, my life took a turn for the better. I would not be writing on Medium and Substack if I hadn’t started meditating. I never imagined I could do something like this, premeditation.
Elizabeth, I am not equipped to give anyone health advice. But I can confidently say that simply quieting your mind with meditation, yoga, walking, or writing regularly will make things better. We often get caught up in our thoughts and worries.
I’m sorry to hear about your macular degeneration. I feel for you, Elizabeth. Old age is a strict teacher, but we all just do the best we can.
Thank you, Gary. I'm actually doing pretty well, actually. I do a blend of tai chi and pilates for the arthritis and, on days when I'm too stiff, I do arm and leg stretches while rocking in my Grandmother's old chair. That rocking motion is so calming and the movement keeps me surprisingly flexible. Thankfully, I live adjacent to a national park and am surrounded by nature. I spend as much time as I can outdoors, and I find that so healing. Releasing our worries is vital!
I like your positive attitude, Elizabeth.
Hey, young whippersnapper, try 90. Happy to say I am still raring to go. One development is pressure to work fast to heal this hurting world
Wow, 90, I'm happy for you, Sue. I wish I could heal this hurting world, but it's beyond my pay grade. But I can take a run at healing myself. That's what I'm trying to do anyway.
Looking back on life from this vantage point there's something bizarre about all the finding and fixing when you get booted out of here lickety split. Switching from finding to giving would be my advice for humanity.
So nice to be liked by people! Come like me more and join the hurry I am in to get this world to work: https://suzannetaylor.substack.com/about!
Gary, I agree, old age isn’t for the weak of heart. My seventies have hit me like a ton of bricks. I loved this reminder in your piece: “But you’ll still die; we all will die — so enjoy the moment and spread the love because we’re all in the same wonderful boat together.”
Sandra, I thought I’d end on a positive note: We’re all gonna die, lol.
Beautifully written. I’ve read the book on ageism and I am almost 70 and it’s so sad on how we treat not only each other at this age, but how we are treated by the medical community sometimes and by society itself. Ableism also needs to be addressed as in your experience at the store people automatically assume if we’re elders that we are feeble. We are at an age where in some indigenous cultures we are treated with the upmost respect. The elders are looked upon as having wisdom courage to have lived such a long life, but they can also act as mentors to the younger. We don’t seem to have that in our civilization any longer with community being fractured along with rampant discrimination against elders.
Sadly, Keith, what you say is true. It's easy for me to get angry about ageism and wish I were in a culture that treated older people better. But I'm here, and anger doesn't hurt anyone but ourselves. My goal is to gain as much old age wisdom as I can and pass it along to other seniors. So many people are hurting and fearful, I feel I should do something. So I write and do what I can. Thanks for reading Keith.
About the only other thing we can do besides care for ourselves and one another is to try to enlighten others who are willing to listen in regards to the effects they have when they employ age discrimination and ableism
I am 70, Keith, a retired literature professor who keeps in touch with quite a few former students I taught over a 30-year-period, so they range in age. I worshipped my grandmother and spoke of her a lot in class when something she experienced or told me was relevant to the reading. Not long after I retired, I developed a serious health concern and experienced godawful medical gaslighting from three female PCPs in their late 30s to early 40s. So I told my former students about it. They have always been honest with me, so they said variations of the same thing. "Boomers haven't been wise elders. A lot of younger people simply don't respect people your age. Not because you're old but because you're Boomers. You have no wisdom to teach. Not YOU, you havent been self-obsessed and totally Boomerish," they'd add. Uh-huh.
But I thought about it. My grandmother's generation was commendable. Young people may not see us as that commendable. And if so, that's on us. We've left them one hell of a mess.
Maybe the problem is the younger generations don’t listen anymore. I didn’t listen to my father as much as I should have. In retrospect, he was right most of the time. Now, when I try to pass on my wisdom to my children, they usually ignore it and end up paying the price. There are those who never learn from their own mistakes, those that learn from their mistakes and then there are the smart people who learn from the mistakes of others
I think we all learn through our own experience. But I also think the world we knew is dying, and many young people are having to seek new roads.
Lotta truth in that while my generation was busy partying and trying to climb the corporate ladder our government was being hijacked. The environment was being destroyed and what did we do? run to Walmart for another big screen TV really sad really wasteful.
I think so, too. 😣
I am 75 and recently had a year of more noticeable decline. Much whiter hair. More noticeable wrinkles everywhere. Slightly worse vision and hearing. Slightly creakier joints. Less stamina. I have neglected to turn off burners on “low” a couple of times.
There were reasons for this, maybe. I lost a daughter to cancer. My other two children had some crises. Friends are struggling. But I know, even aside from these reasons, aging is inevitable.
Like you, I am in relatively good shape. My primary care doctor reminds me I’m in the upper 10% percent of good health for my cohort. Nevertheless, I felt a little panicky and unable to keep up with it all.
And then I thought, “What does ‘keeping up’ mean, and why am I trying to do it?” I got tired of resisting, and it’s a relief. Yes, I’m old, but I still have such a good life . . . for now.
I can relate, Janet. We feel old age much more intensely after the age of 70. I have a daughter who is going through a hard time, and it pains me. I worry about her a lot. I’m trying to find a balance between my concern for her and taking care of myself. There's a science fact I love, and I’m not a big science guy.
People who have a positive view of old age live, on average, 7.5 years longer than those with a negative view. Professor Becca Levy has proved that in her research. I highly recommend her book, “Breaking The Age Code.” I wish you positive thoughts!
IMHO, the best way to approach aging is to keep on moving. Don’t let your mind become old , keep learning, traveling, making friends. Life is an adventure. When you no longer feel that way , you have become old
I’m there, too, and find it fascinating. Unfortunate that it will be over at some time, but loving every minute right now.
Not having physical issues counts big, so balancing living healthily and occasions of self-indulgence is worth the effort. Loved the read, Gary.
Thanks for reading Helen. I agree—It’s a wonderful world. That attitude is priceless. Don’t ever lose it. Let’s stay in touch.
I actually have a few years to go till 80.
It used to be a really daunting milestone but as I approach, it’s beginning to look like just another number.
I’ve been thinking about where I would like to be when it happens - revisiting somewhere that I loved, New York, Paris, Luxor, Mycenae, Caribbean …. Of course, I have to survive that long!
Many of my friends and relatives have treated the recommendation of "eat healthy and exercise" as a challenge that they will resist. The older ones are not aging well.
I’m behind you by a little bit, but with you in spirit!
Let’s ride the age wave together, Janice. Thank you so much for reading.
At 86 I can truthfully say: “Ah! To be 80 again!” Even though at 80 your experience is having old age creep up on you, in a few years I predict that it will come in lurches and fits and starts! One day you have your usual sparkle, the next you wonder if your will is up-to-date. You wonder whether to relax and surrender or resist and fight the inevitable breakdown of our bodies which, like old cars, start to need new parts and more frequent oil changes. All I can say is that I never expected to live this long, but I’m glad I have. And since it’s usually goals that motivate me to keep on going, my goal right now is to live long enough to see Trump out of office, and sanity, or a version thereof, return to my country.
Little do the younger ones know we are still young of mind, therefore we are blessed.
So true, Cathryn. I still feel like 40 inside. Younger people just see aging bodies and make a judgement about that. I feel a responsibility to help young people understand. Thank you for reading and responding, Cathryn.
You are doing us oldies a wonderful service and we are growing voices instead of being silent in our age of experience.
This is a wonderful piece, thank you for sharing it! I love your imagery as well as your voice, it is friendly and supportive and accepting. My experience at 56 is shaping up similarly, so I very much appreciate you sharing your perspective. The inside no longer matches the outside, and the understanding that the cognitive dissonance will continue, if not get worse, helps me know I am not alone and gives me more compassion for younger people, whose biggest limitation may only be that they don’t yet understand.
Thanks, Heather for your kind words and your wisdom. You seem to understand that it’s all about the mind. Our inner world is the last great frontier—not outer space. Thanks for reading, Heather.
This was sweet to read. Appreciate the observation of the internal age not matching the external. I’m starting to feel a bit of that now at 45 and I’ve heard that from so many people. One thing I’ve noticed about older people is that they are generally so much kinder, more accepting, more friendly, more open than younger folks. It’s like the closer we get to our mortality, the more our ego gets stripped away. That’s my theory anyway. I’d love to know your take on that. Love this and looking forward to more dispatches. ✨🙏
“This inside-outside contradiction is the most disturbing aspect of being 80 years old” Couldn’t agree more with this. Outside I’ve definitely reached old lady - inside still bursting with ideas and enthusiasms. I realized this year that I’ll be an old lady for the rest of my life and there’s nothing I can do about it other than keep on being myself. Thanks for an excellent essay on a topic close to my heart.
I will soon be 68 and feel like I’m 28. I look in the mirror and regret all of the hours, weeks, months…no, years…in the sun. I do love the sun and laughter, and my face tells the story through her lines. But, geez, I never expected THIS many lines! My hair has been graying since I was 35. For the longest time I colored it, until 8 years ago when gray hair had become chic with the 20-somethings. I figured I’d join them and did so with grace. I’m grayer now but still see the beauty of my grandmother’s hair when I look in the mirror. I am grateful for that. But the greatest challenge is in the reactions of the younger humans when they see me. I am training to be a personal trainer, am a health and life coach and don’t think I’ll ever grow up. BUT, on first sight, they think I’m way over the hill! At least until they hike or dance with me. My doctor is always surprised at my blood tests and lack of dis-ease, but never fails to remind me that my body WILL wear out one day, and I need to remember that! Thank you for this article. Those of us who are blessed with better health do well to encourage others to support theirs. Yet, I believe we have more than physical stamina to share with them. We old folks are the wisdom keepers, after all.
There are quite a few of us octogenarians ( not a word I use much ) here on Substack. Like you, I am pretty well and you can see me stand on my head (two minute video) on my site. I love being old and wouldn’t choose anything different!
Really enjoyed this. It seems that it’s the behaviour of other people making assumptions about you based on how you look at 80? Not being the age you are. You seem pretty chill to me!
Loved the cheery ending ! We are all going to die - let’s look after each other while we’re here!!